Just A Moment
by Turtlebaby
Summary: A moment between Grissom and Sara.  Oneshot complete.  Spoilers through Living Doll.  GSR.


Just A Moment

Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Really. One day, years from now when they are old and forgotten I will purchase them on Ebay and have a hell of a time with them. But for now they belong to CBS and all those that go along with it.

Author's Note to follow.

* * *

Each beat of his heart sent another throb of pain pounding through his skull. Grissom shut the door to his office, closed the blinds and flipped the light off; seeking a moment of solace in the quiet dark. Chaos was the only word he could find to describe the last day. It had been long in a way that he had never known before. Stressful in a way he hoped he never experienced again. Now, a full twenty four hours after he had first walked into the crime lab he was seeking a moment to himself.

He lay down on the black leather of the sofa in the corner of his office and closed his eyes tight against a new surge of pain. It was moments like this that he thanked whatever God that was listening that he had Sara. After years of suffering from migraines so excruciating that he couldn't stand the sound of his own thoughts, he had found a cure. Like magic, her fingers running over his scalp could decrease the pain and allow him the comfort he sought.

With just that single thought of her, he felt better. He shifted to his side, facing the back of the couch and sighed. He was just drifting towards the edge of sleep when he was brought back to consciousness by the sound of his door creaking open and a sliver of light washing over him. He tensed up, ready to turn and face his uninvited guest when he heard the footfalls and knew who it was.

"Headache?" Her voice was low and the concern was evident.

"It's been a long day, Sara." He didn't like the weariness in his voice. He didn't open his eyes but turned again to face the ceiling.

She pulled his office chair up to the arm of the couch and sat there behind him. "You work too hard, Grissom."

"No, I don't work hard enough. There's a thousand more things that I should be doing; a million things that need to be done." He sucked in a breath when she laid her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "It's just... been a long day."

Her fingers eased up into his scalp and started that gentle massage that she knew would release some of his tension. "You should go home. The guys can take care of things for awhile; you can't use all of yourself up over this."

"Is there a thing in the world more important then this though?" He relaxed the muscles in his face as Sara's fingers found his temple. "I have to do what I can do. It's not fair to anyone if I don't. Besides, the day I give up is the day that the bad guy wins."

Her lips pressed to his forehead and her fingers danced over his closed eyelids, "I love you. For all you are and all you give. Even when it's too much sometimes."

A small smile tugged at his lips. "I love you too. I don't tell you that enough... do I?"

"Sometimes it isn't the words, Grissom. I haven't doubted once in the last year that you love me. Even when I found out you were Lad..." She stopped, corrected herself. "Heather's alibi, I knew you were only and always mine. I wanted to tell you that - I just didn't know how. The words are nice, but they're nothing without the feelings to back them up. And I trust in your heart because I feel what you feel."

"Yeah, but I still should tell you more often. If Natalie taught me one thing, it's that."

"Natalie… I was wondering when we'd get around to her." Her fingers increased pressure on his scalp. "I guess I was kind of hoping we wouldn't have to. Not in a moment like this, a moment that's ours. We shouldn't waste one more second on her, she's not worth it."

"I have never felt fear like that…" His voice was quiet and she knew that he needed to say something. "When I picked up that little car…that TOY. I've never been so scared. I knew it was you underneath that car and I tried Sara…I tried to call you and tell you. To warn you – before she got to you. But I failed." He reached up and ran a hand over his face.

"Grissom…" She paused. "Why are we talking about this? There's nothing either one of us can do to change the past. We both missed something when we neglected to see that she was already a part of our lives. But it's nobody's fault. Ok? You can't blame yourself for something that happened to me."

"It rained the night you were taken." Grissom couldn't stop his train of thought. "It rained like God himself had given up and wept for you. For hours we couldn't search for you. For hours we couldn't do anything except pretend like what we _were _doing was going to help you. The rain, Sara, I couldn't believe the rain. Like fate was rearing its ugly head and laughing at the both of us. The middle of the damn desert and there was rain."

Sara tugged gently on the roots of his hair before speaking softly. "I know Grissom. I was there, remember?"

"And all I wanted to do was tell you one more time how much I loved you, because I could never adequately tell you before… I hadn't told you enough. I needed one more chance." His voice was desperate and his hands were clenched tightly into fists.

"That's why we shouldn't waste _right now_. It's too valuable, too precious." Sara was silent for a long time. "I did wonder though if we'd have had kids. If we'd ever have gotten married; or bought a house. Done all those things that you imagine doing in a relationship. Things I didn't realize I might have wanted until I was drowning in the desert."

"Do you want kids?" Grissom's voice held a mild curiosity and just a slight undertone of fear. "Do you want to buy a house? Get married?"

"I don't know. They were just a few of the thoughts that passed through my mind with a million other things… it wasn't that I was dwelling on one thing in particular. For a moment I wondered who was going to feed the dog on the odd days of the month if I wasn't there. Who was going to remember his shots and grooming appointments."

"He's a boxer, Sara. He doesn't need grooming appointments." Grissom lifted one side of his mouth in a lopsided smile.

"That's exactly my point Gris. He doesn't need them – but he likes them. And if I weren't there then he'd never get to be groomed again." Before Grissom could speak again she chuckled, "No, a flea dip and a brushing do not count as a trip to the groomers."

"Is that what someone worries about before they die? Whether or not someone is going to take care of their dog?"

"Not just the dog. You worry about who is going to take care of your helpless when you're not around to do it. It's the dumb things like who'll water your plants, or make your phone bill gets paid. It's everything and it's nothing. It's the emails you were too busy to return and the phone calls you ignored." She sounded wistful. "Friends from college that you haven't heard from in forever and a mother you can't bring yourself to face."

"Your mom?" Grissom couldn't hide the surprise in his voice.

"She called three weeks before this all happened. I didn't answer the phone." Her fingertips smoothed across the lines in his forehead. "I didn't know what to say to her. I figured I'd have the rest of my life to get it straight in my head before I involved her heart into it to. How do you go about telling someone that you don't hate them anymore? That you never should have in the first place? That you've wasted too much time being mad?"

"Everyone does it Sara, nobody expects to go to sleep at night and not wake up the next morning. Everyone assumes they'll have tomorrow. I always thought I'd have more time with you… I always took for granted that there would be tomorrow to fix things and make things right. And then my vision of tomorrow was gone in a moment, and I couldn't help but regret all the things I never did with you. I've never taken you to the Butterfly Gardens or an amusement park. I've never told you about the puppy my mom wouldn't let me keep when I was eleven. I've never walked down the street holding your hand or kissed you in the rain. It's a shame to not do things Sara - especially when we could have done them together... let's never regret anything again ok?"

"Grissom… let me let you in on a little secret. Life isn't about not having regrets. Life is about learning to accept the fact that you can't regret something that you wanted. Or something that you didn't want, couldn't have, couldn't do, wouldn't do, or didn't know how to do. Mistakes are what color our world and make it beautiful. No, I've never been to the Butterfly Gardens but I've seen one land on your hand only for you to look over at me and make sure that I saw. I've never hand the chance to ride roller coasters with you - but I've ridden shotgun in your car talking about life and love. I don't know about every dog that you did or didn't have... but I know where you got that adorable little scar on your left hip. I know your middle name and your favorite color. I've never kissed you in the rain... but we've made out in the shower." She laughed before continuing, "And I've never held your hand in the street, but I've woken to you holding me like you'd never let go." Grissom smiled at the happiness in her voice. "What we've had is more important then what we think we missed. And with you I've already had more then I could ask for. Because you love me - and I know it."

Another smile flitted across his face. "Sweet Sara, when did you get so wise?"

"And all it took was a two ton car pinning me to the desert floor." Sarcasm tainted her words, but they softened as she continued. "Thoughts of you kept me from losing myself. Whether you're there or not – you've always been able to hold me together." Grissom was silent as her fingers made tiny circles along his hairline and slid behind his ears. "Don't forget that I love you ok?"

Her fingers pulled away from his skin and he lifted his chin off his chest to question her, but she'd already stood and moved out of his line of vision and further into the office behind him. "And I love you too." He dropped his chin back. "Where are you going?"

"I think I have to go back now."

"Sara?" He moved to sit up.

"Don't you hear that?" She sounded almost…relieved.

"Hear what?" He stopped moving and listened.

"Helicopters." There was an almost gleeful tone to her voice.

Grissom's eyes snapped open and he sat up to find Catherine hovering in his doorway. "Grissom? Did you hear me? Air rescue spotted the car."

"Sara?" Grissom turned quickly to his left to find his office empty.

"Let's go bring her home."

* * *

It's been dang near a year since I posted a story. So be nice ok? Flame if you must - but be gentle. Thanks again to Sol for the Beta. She's wonderful ya'll and this story would have been six feet under in my computer's recycle bin if not for her. This idea came about from a song that one of the girls at TalkCSI mentioned in passing one day that I latched onto. It's called "Universe & U" by KT Tunstall. If you haven't heard it, I recommend it. Thanks for reading! Now, review and tell me what you think. Seriously. It'll only take a moment - and my muse could reeeaaallllly use the encouragement. 


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